1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up put it down.
3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
4. Sometimes we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of your cat.
6. Sunday = Sports.
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their breasts stared at.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is blackmail.
11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13. Yes, urinating standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.
14. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
16. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
18. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
20. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
21. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
22. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done – not both.
23. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.
24. You have enough clothes.
25. Nothing says “I love you” like sex.
26. Birthdays, Valentine’s, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present, again!
27. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
28. You have enough clothes.
29. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.
30. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad is probably an idiot, too.
31. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
32. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
33. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
34. Your Mom doesn’t have to be our best friend.
35. Foreign film are best left to foreigners.
36. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
37. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
38. Telling us that the models in the men’s magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it’s certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
39. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
40. Anyone can buy condoms.
いや、普通に笑った。
ま、出来ることと出来ないことがある。
ま、それは仕方ないのだけど。
なんだか切ないよね。
それが楽しいのだけど。